( [ONLINE] If I Have to Tell You One More Time ) ¿ Amy McCready – propertyfeedslive.co.uk
Chapters made me feel like a terrible parent saying that things like time outs and counting to three don t help There were many tips that helped me and that I continue to do with my children like special one on one time But other things just weren t working for us W There comes a point in raising a child that you realize that you need help in manipulation because clearly the child isn t doing what you want them to do Yes it s all about you Or maybe it s not all about you or about manipulation Still you don t want your id throwing a tantrum in the middle of a store and you need to get out of the house in under 3 hours So what do you do Even you who abhors self help books turns to self help books for helping yourself and the entire world endure the emotionally out of control 3 year old you ve suddenly found yourself living withThis book has some good tips but like most self help types of book they could have been said in a few bullet points or a chart rather than in a nearly 300 paged book but a bullet pointed list wouldn t have made as much money as a book and webinars do I first discovered this author in a parenting blog where someone linked to one of her free YouTube videos I tried a few of her techniues and found that they were semi magic And even if they only worked for the short term that was enough Mainly it gave me some ideas of how to constructively mold my child to be a calmer happier individual In the end it s about respecting each other offering controlled choices and not being a tyrant Here are my main takeaways from the book for future reference1 Set aside at least 10 minutes twice a day to spend with your child completely focusing on them so that they do get the directed attention that they crave 2 uit correcting and directing 3 Use a calm voice think Mr Rogers4 Offer choices within your reuirements for your child so that the child feels like they have some level of control such as the child must brush their teeth but they can choose which toothbrush and toothpaste they d like to use5 Use whenthen statements When you finish picking up your toys then we ll go to the park6 Everyone in the household should contribute to the household Even small children need things to help with doing7 Have consistent routines so that the child Tote Sprache: Cartoons auf Latein knows what to expect8 Use immediate and consistent punishments which fit the crime the child runs away and doesn t stop when called so you leave the park immediately9 Allow natural and logical conseuences so that the child learns from mistakes the child doesn t rinse their hands of soap and then finds themselves with a mouth full of soap when they eat10 Ask the child to repeat to you what the punishment will be if they do X11 Use eitheror conseuences either you eat your peas or you get no dessert12 Tell your child what you won t pay attention to whining while you re cooking ignore any such actions and train appropriate behavior talk to me in a normal voice and either help me or play uietly beside me while I cook13 Especially schedule your 15 minutes of time with your child right before you need to get something done so that the child has their attention meter fill Probably the best parenting book I ll ever read Fun to read well structured and containing loads of useful and easy to apply parenting strategies Lots of great ideas Will see how execution goes Much of this fit dealing with one of myids to a T Early on the book advises think of your child as wearing a giant sign around her neck a sign that says I want to belong and I want to feel significant but I don t now how to do it Well that s why I picked up this book I thought it might give me strategies for
HELPING HER FEEL SELF CONFIDENT AND STOP PICKING ON her feel self confident and stop picking on sister One chapter deals with sibling rivalry The book suggests handling ids fights with this formula1 Ignore now2 Train later3 Utilize only helpful adult interaction4 Put everyone in the same boatPart of the child s behavior is misguided because they are expert observers but make many mistakes in interpreting what they observe That s part of why they may perceive one child is favored over another Having planned one on one time twice a day "with each family member may make a powerful impact in making each child "each family member may make a powerful impact in making each child valued The days the The Professional Victims Handbook kids do not get their fill of mommy and me only time really are the crazier ones in our house but I ve made sure to have my husband start implementing this too and we ll see if it makes a big differenceThere is a uiz to help you determine your parenting style and I can see it s my style not only for parenting but interacting with other adults including my spouseso I learned from this modifying my behavior will be a whole other story Using I feel statements is emphasized in various chapters but forids they must be guided to identify their feelings instead of using it as another opportunity to insult someone else I found the chapters about four mistaken goals of misbehavior helpful and could easily see where my children fell on the continuum It would be worthwhile to reread this book again as the first time is an overview and the next few times would be a chance to thoughtfully implement some of the strategies Loved it lots of great ideas and principles in this book At a point in our lives three weeks ago when my husband and I were just about to lose our shit over power struggles with our 3 13 year old we found this book Has it been a perfect solution to our issues No Has it helped in providing us tools to communicate effectively with our daughter and diffuse volatile situations Yes Yes YesWe aren t in a parenting paradise by any means but we are much better off than we were before We read this along with a book by a different author and sort of combined all the tools and focus on what our daughter responds to bestI still yell sometimes I ve read several parenting books The Happiest Toddler on the Block 1 2 3 Magic How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and LIsten So Kids Will Talk I learned a lot from those books but If I Have to Tell You One More Time is hands down the best McCready shows you how to eliminate the root of the misbehaviors I would call it a misbehavior prevention program where there are a lot of empowering of Nightmares Angels kids training ofids giving conseuences not punishments to In the Blink of an Eye kids etc The book isn t overly stuffed with psychological babble but instead has clear direct instructions and examples of how parents should implement the tools I also love how McCready empathizes with the parents and then empowers the. A basic need to feel powerful with children being no exception to the rule And when this need isn't met in positive waysids will resort to negative methods which often result in some of the most frustrating behavior they exhibit If I Have to Tell You One More Time provides the nowledge and tools parents need to address the deeper issues that inspire their children to misbehave Read this book and rediscover the joy of parenting. .
I bought this one It has great advice organized and layed out well I like the focus on connecting with children and making routines to avoid power struggles This will be one of two go to parenting books for me OK it s written with enthusiasm by a business consultant who naturally overpromises dramatic improvements to your ids behavior Plus a lot of this is for Whence the Black Irish of Jamaica? kids much older than ours But there are some useful seeming tips We ll try them out and see if it helpsNotes to self p21 22 Alfred Adler s child psychology premises1 A child s primary goal is to achieve belonging and significance ie power if they don t get them in positive ways they ll resort to negative ways2 All behavior is goal oriented misbehavior is symptom of a deeper problem3 A misbehaving child is a discouraged child they want you to help them feel belonging and significance but don tnow howAnd when they don t get these two necessary things they go through the following stages1 Undue Attention whining clinging acting helpless etc in the hopes that parents will give them comfort ie a sense of belonging2 Power challenging or provoking parents to get into a power struggle they can win to feel significant3 Revenge if they still can t get either belonging or significance get even with the parents by inflicting harm4 Assumed Inadeuacy if all of the above fail Rich Men, Single Women kids just give up detach want to be left aloneOur oldest is well into 1 Undue Attention I guess I should be thankful it s not worse and try to nip it in the bud It s interesting to think about my other family members and where they are in their dynamics with their own parents p34 35 To feed the meter and prevent theids from feeling detached or powerless in the first place be sure to give each child some dedicated one to one time from each parentAim for at least two 10 minute periods each dayIdeally schedule these times as part of a daily ROUTINEBut also do this 1 when you can see their attention basket is nearly empty and 2 when you re about to start something else that can t be interrupted a work call cooking on the hot stove etc p57 59 Personality priorities self uiz Of the four parent types my wife and I both prioritize Pleasing and Controlling much so than Superiority or Comforting I suspect we both default to starting in Pleasing mode avoid conflict too often doing things for the Twice Retired kids or reminding them instead of making them doremember it themselves even when it overburdens us Then when it fails we snap ungracefully into Controlling mode do it my way because I said soUnfortunately the book s tips are contradictory here Be less Pleasing by saying No often and be less Controlling by saying Yes often Maybe if we started out as less Pleasing in the first place we wouldn t snap as much p63 Keep using your Calm Voice even when you re worked up As hard as it is raising our voices won t help theids act reasonably and make adult decisions themselves which is ultimately what we want right p96 Avoid piggybacking following a compliment by an I told you so or other snark like Wow you spent a lot of time cleaning your room If only it could stay this way all the timeBy adding this extra piece of guiltshame to the encouraging initial phrase we deflate the pridejoy that we wanted them to feel about the job well done Just stop after the encouragement itself p100 Avoid comparisons between siblings etc Instead of Come sit down at dinner like your brother say When everyone is sitting at the table then we ll serve dinner p117 118 Explicitly teach the tasks you want them to take on Give Ten Twentieth-Century Poets kids responsibilities not chores but family contributions but make sure you ve taken time to train them firstUse role play to help ask the stuffed animals to take part or switch roles so yourid can teach you the right way to do itEncourage good progress and avoid criticism which apparently can set back the training p118 120 Good list of age appropriate family contributions2 3 YEARS OLD Wipe down In the Days of the Comet Seventeen Short Stories (Works of H.G. Wells 10) kitchen chairs and stools with a damp sponge Carry in the newspaper or mail Pick up toys and clothes Wash tables and counters with a damp sponge Fold washcloths Wash vegetables tear lettuce stir Help set the table napkins silverware Feed the pets and refill water Be sure to provide training on just how much food and water to offer Help clean own place at the table Help put groceries away atid friendly level Unload spoons and forks from dishwasher4 5 YEARS OLD same as previous list plus Make own bed use a simple comforter Help fold towels and washcloths Clean own bathroom sink with wipes Water plants provide training on how much water Prepare simple breakfastlunch and clean up Polish silver wearing gloves Empty small trashcans around the house Sort white clothes from dark clothes for laundry Help with vacuuming sweeping and dusting Transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer Dust mop the floor Use handheld vacuum for spills and messes6 8 YEARS OLD Wash dishes load and unload dishwasher Simple meal preparation salads desserts Help change bedsheets and put dirty sheets in laundry Pack lunch for school Iron cloth napkins Fold simple laundry items and put them away Dust baseboards Vacuum and dust furniture Walk pets daily Pull weeds Get self up in the morning with an alarm clock
Put Groceries Away9 11groceries away9 11 OLD Household maintenance change light bulbs batteries Fold all of own laundry and put it away More detailed household cleaning refrigerator toilets Wash car vacuum inside of car Plant flowers garden items at change of season Assist younger siblings with homework reading Bathe and groom pets Weekly trash duties gather trash take dumpster out Monthly closet drawer organization12 14 YEARS OLD Change bed sheets independently Laundry start to finish Wash indoor "WINDOWS AND LOWER OUTDOOR WINDOWS MOW LAWN RAKE LEAVES "and lower outdoor windows Mow lawn rake leaves mulch Administrative tasks in parents business Prepare family meal 1 dayweek using a simple menu Manage family recycling efforts Babysit siblings for short periods with adult nearby Have total responsibility for family pets Clean shower and tub p141 Use when then statements When you finish X then we can do YY should be a normally occurring privilege not a special treat reward otherwise it s bribingDon t say if it makes Y feel like a bribe and like you don t have confidence that your Period Power kid can handle XState your when then clearly ONE time then step back If appropriate set a deadline but don t give reminders p145 Use when then s as routines not just one offs Make it clear what the daily routine is to av. Put an end to painful power struggles with your children Why is it so difficult sometimes to getids to listen You ask your child to turn off the TV do her homework or get ready for school or bedtime You now he heard you but he ignores you You ask again and stillno response You've tried everything time outs nagging counting to three and nothing seems to work In If I Have to Tell You One More Time founder of the popular online
Amy McCready ã 3 read & downloadOid repeated negotiations over daily tasks Then the parents aren t the bad guy the routine itself provides the pressure to clean up etcIncorporate family contributions into the routines tooKeep bedtimes etc consistent all week don t delay them on weekends bc ids internal clocks don t recognize weekends and they ll just have trouble resetting each MondayKeep a routine for weekends and for summer too even if it s modified Still expect a few family contributions before playtime etcFor younger Until Again kidseep it as a picture checklist on a clipboard p162 6 To prevent misbehavior often you need to make sure the Jesus Calling kid really is trained Not following social rules Make sure theynow those rules in advance role play with them to practice before you leave homeBut if it persists ideally you d use Natural Conseuences When the id doesn t listen to you let them suffer the natural fallout It s not you but rather the universe teaching them a lesson Eg if they repeatedly refuse to wear a jacket in winter let them go outside in a t shirt a few times and feel the cold and they should learn the importance of jackets for themselvesBut can t do that for some things not safe or too long of a wait before payoff or it s of a social rule then try Logical Conseuences which you as a parent impose but should still relate directly to the misbehaviorExamples Not brushing teeth Then conseuently you may decide they can t eat any sugar whatsoever as an alternative way to avoid dental problems Throwing toys Then you might take that toy away for the day as an alternative way to avoid mess and injuryWhether Natural or Logical to be a conseuence and not just punishment make sure it s 1 Respectful not a humiliating conseuence 2 Related to the misbehavior 3 Reasonable for the id s maturity level 4 Revealed in advance so they make the choice of whether to behave or not nowing the conse and 5 Repeated back to you so you now they heard youOnce you ve stated it turn your back and make it clear that you don t care which choice is made In other words whether they choose to behave or to misbehave and suffer the conse you ll be indifferent and simply follow through either wayIn either case make sure you have given fair warning don t just impose these in anger on the spot p188 For heat of the moment problems when you don t have a prepared NaturalLogical Conse use eitherorEither you stop right now or the conse will be Z which frankly sounds like the same old punishments parents have always used except stated in the heat of the moment as though it s the The Quiet Front kid s choice I guess that s marginally better from theid s perspective than Stop right now You didn t stop OK now I will invent and impose a conseBut it s SO hard to pause and invent a reasonable conseuence on the spot at the same time as I m trying to get them to stop doing the dangerousirresponsible thing Much easier to shout Stop first and hope they do or if they don t to then apply punishment afterwards once you ve had a moment to think it over Not sure how practical this advice is But on p174 if you couldn t reveal a conse in advance treat this misbehavior as a teaching moment chance to train the Beading on a Loom kid and then set up a conse for what ll happen NEXT time if it s ever repeated p175 6 Conseuences for harming someone else ask him what he needs to do to make it right with the other person beyond the obligatory I m sorry A hug a note or another act ofindness is certainly in "Order And Chances Are "and chances are will make both parties feel better Your child will also develop a stronger sense of empathy and personal responsibility in the long runConse for leaving toys out lose the privilege of playing with them they ll be put away in a box for X days p190 194 How to handle
Undue Attention seeking behaviorStart by making sure you do give the id regular 1 1 time for clear undivided attentionAttention seeking behaviorStart by making sure you do give the id regular 1 1 time for clear undivided attention each parent Otherwise I guess it s hard to call it undueIf it still persists make an advance plan clear to your child When you whine my ears hurt and I will no longer pay attention to what you say in that tone of voice but I ll happily listen when you speak in your normal voice Or When I m cooking and unavailable to play I will ignore reuests to play but I ll happily play with you after dinnerMake sure they re trained in what the appropriate behavior actually is incl role playing eg the difference between whiny and normal voiceFinally follow through Really do ignore those undue reuests walk away if needed instead of engaging by reminding themBut what if you have an upcoming time when you just can t manage misbehavior in the moment Cooking work call etc Then plan to fill their attention basket for 10 minutes just before the scheduled time This should prevent them from resorting to misbehavior when you really need the time If you need to do it with multiple Introduction to Modern Information Retrieval kids start with the easiest and end with the one most likely to wheedle attention so they get their bucket filled closest to your work meeting or whatever p198 When theid demands Special Service undue attention by asking you to do something you When Miss Gangster Meets Her Match know they can handle say I m going to let you do that because Inow you can do it I have confidence that you can do it p241 2 If there s sibling rivalry over shared toys etc establish a clear division of private vs common spaces OK to divide a shared bedroom into private times instead of spaces Then establish these rules1 When I choose to play in common area I consent to having my siblings play with me If I want to play alone I can do that in a private area2 When I choose to leave my toys in a common area I am sharing them with others If I don t want them shared I have to Aliens Among Us keep them in the private area3 Play fighting reuires mutual consent we ll choose a family recognized phrase Stop now and agree to immediately stop if we hear itAlso whenids have trouble sharing remind them to ask for toy with an open palm not yank it away p262 Schedule a weekly Family Meeting Start with complimentsappreciations from each person to each other person Then review the upcoming week s calendar If needed spend time on joint problem solving or perhaps on training the ids in things like fire safety or phone etiuette Next pass
out allowances End by serving a snack and doing something fun together p268 Don t bring a problem unless youallowances End by serving a snack and doing something fun together p268 Don t bring a problem unless you prepared with at least one or two possible solutionsOMG I wish my colleagues used this rule for running faculty meetings Make clear separation between time to vent and time to discuss solve problems The first Arenting course Positive Parenting Solutions Amy McCready presents a nag and scream free program for compassionately yet effectively correcting your children's bad behavior In this invaluable book McCready shows parents how an understanding of the psychological theory espoused by Alfred Adler 1870 1937 can put an end to power struggles in their households Adlerian psychology focuses on the central idea that every human being has.